Monthly jokes by Star Sign...
Monthly jokes by Star Sign...
Venusian Seduction Techniques! |
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Venus in Capricorn | Have rich parents. Be rich yourself. Failing which, read Lady Chatterley's Lover and take lots of notes. Have your cheek bones surgically enhanced. |
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Venus in Aquarius | Make it very clear that you just want to be friends before you jump on them. Ignore their other partners --- especially the weird ones. Have a long distance relationship over the Internet and make sure you never actually meet. |
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Venus in Pisces |
Act tragic, with a sad and victimised past. (But you're living dangerously here --- they're much better at seducing and often evading, than being seduced. Then again, survivors say it can be worth it...) |
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Venus in Aries |
Call them names. Take them for a ride on a big bike, or maybe a fighter plane. Muss up their hair. Arm wrestle them. Win a lot. Be unsubtle. Cheat ruthlessly if you have to. |
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Venus in Taurus |
CHOCOLATE! A few beautiful things around the place don't hurt either. Look nice, smell nice, go for a walk in the woods just after the rain has stopped. Be prepared to stick this one out for the duration unless you like hurting people. |
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Venus in Gemini |
Send them cards and letters. Be witty, funny and bright. Talk about books and plays. Take them to the ballet, especially if they have Sun in Cancer. (In which case make it Swan Lake rather than Merce Cunningham.) Ignore their other partners --- all of them! |
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Venus in Cancer |
Cook them a meal. Better yet, let them cook *you* a meal. Act tragically in need of care and feeding. Wear lumberjack shirts and talk about how much you'd like a family. |
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Venus in Leo |
Tell them they're the most amazing person you've ever met. (Unless they're a Virgo, in which case too much praise will make them blush. But do it anyway --- just be subtler about it.) Nibble them on the back of the neck. (Actually this works with most Venus signs...) Tell lots of stupid jokes. Send them lavishly wrapped presents *by courier* with lots of gold and roses and stuff. Praise them, praise them, praise them! |
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Venus in Virgo |
Work hard. No, *harder*! Compliment their cooking. Ignore their nit-picks. It is possible to get Venus in Virgo to melt, but only if you have lots of earth-style patience or water-style empathy. Lots of fire and air? Don't get your hopes up... |
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Venus in Libra |
More chocolate! A dash of style goes down a treat too. (You'll already know if you qualify.) Look nice. Sound nice. Be artistic, but in a pretty, not a messy way. Have a beautiful home. Work for the UN. |
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Venus in Scorpio | Read their minds. Tell them all their own deepest secrets. Tell them all yours too, especially the painful ones. Tie them up when they're not looking. Don't forget the toys ... :-) |
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Venus in Sagitarius | Take them somewhere they've never been before --- like Rio, or maybe just go riding out of town. Laugh a lot. Make them laugh a lot. Be profound and meaningful as you hurtle down that New Age resort ski slope together. |
If you have a good star sign joke, send it to us! our email address: info@soulzentre.co.za |
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